Like most people I have the never-discuss -politics-or religion rule, especially with people I know. I have also added parenting methods to that rule too – as well as few other topics. And the reason is, as everyone knows, it is indeed the quickest way to end a friendship.
How I wish I’d stuck to that rule!
It’s all very well having these discussions if the person you’re talking to is tolerant, mature, reasonable and willing to accept that everyone has a different opinion. If you’re able to have these discussions in a non-offensive manner, you can’t go far wrong.
But when the person you’re having the discussion with is the complete opposite of the above, and all they do is preach, lecture, rant, rave, talk at you rather than to you, criticize your own opinions and are extremely offensive with it… It takes a very, very strong friendship to get over it!
I had this very unfortunate encounter very recently with someone I consider to be a very close friend – in fact I hope she still is! Unless you’re a complete dimwit, you can’t have failed to have noticed that our nation is in the grip of Brexit fever. Everyone has some kind of an opinion on whether Britain should remain in or leave the EU. Whether you’re an innie, an outie, or an ummie, everyone has something to contribute to this great debate.
Because we’re very good friends, I felt quite comfortable in breaking one of the few rules I have in life and told her where I stood with regards to the referendum. Boy did that prove to be a big mistake!
My normally mild-mannered friend turned into what can only be described as a raving lunatic. Not only did she stomp all over my political opinions but she tried to ram her own brand of politics down my throat, and to be honest, because she was unable to articulate herself without going over the top, whatever she was banging on about just went over my head – and not because I’m short! I can’t even recall what she said exactly – all I got was a faceful of blah ba blah ba blah ba blah!
I’m sure my friend thinks I’m too thick to understand how politics and the EU work – and maybe I am. But as one of my tutors once said to me the real idiot isn’t the person who admits to not knowing something, it’s the person who thinks they know everything.
Unless we’re directly involved in politics, its not always easy to know what information we hear is accurate and what is just propaganda. My friend has access to pretty much the same information as me. Admittedly she’s definitely more well-read and knowledgeable than me about such matters but is the decision she’s making based exclusively on true, unbiased facts? And have these facts been verified? Well we don’t know – although she likes to think she’s one hundred per cent certain she knows all the facts and they are all true. Things aren’t always black and white as we all know – there’s always areas of grey. And while its always natural to be biased when it’s something we agree with, to go around thinking your views are gospel is just a little too much.
I will be keeping quiet about my own views regarding the referendum – but I’m willing to accept that I may be wrong. The decision I make is based on my judgement of the masses of info we’ve been bombarded with but that doesn’t mean I’m necessarily right and I will be keeping an open mind. One thing I will say is that I will be relieved when this referendum episode is over and we find out exactly what is in store for the future of Britain – and I won’t have to hear the term ‘Brexit’ for a very long time.
But when I’m approached with aggression, and spoken to in a bullying manner by a know-it-all, and I’m made to feel that my views don’t count, then yes – I do have a problem.
Of course there are subjects that I feel very passionate about but I’m well aware that not everyone will share my views. I can’t very well argue with everyone so I choose my battles carefully. This post isn’t just about sharing your views but giving an opinion to close friends and family in a way in which relationships are left intact. That could mean not discussing potentially controversial issues or biting your tongue hard when you hear something that makes you want to punch someone! But I think the best thing is to accept that there will always be differences; respect other people’s opinions – even if they do seem bizarre, and although passion is good, aggression is not, so save that for the boxercise class and not for a heated debate with someone who’s meant to be dear to you. Because once something extremely offensive has been said, it can’t be taken back. Hardly worth losing someone you care about just because you need to be right.