World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day – June 1st 2018

 

 

I usually like to keep everything very lighthearted at Chez Mrs. D but life can’t always be fun and games – not when there’s an important topic to be discussed.

Like almost everyone, I abhor all forms of abuse against another human being (yes and animals too!) but there’s something about narcissistic abuse that really hits a nerve with me. It’s because narcissistic abuse is something that has affected me personally. It’s because it has affected people I care about. It’s the reason why one of my schoolmates is no longer with us and why another one has serious emotional health issues. This is not a club I ever wanted to belong to but I found myself becoming a member without even realising what I was signing up to – which is quite often the case with people who have endured narcissistic abuse. And even though some of the emotional scars still remain, I’m definitely one of the lucky ones.

World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day

June 1st 2018 (tomorrow) marks World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD) an internationally recognized event that raises awareness of narcissistic abuse as well as providing education and resources for survivors. WNAAD was established in 2016 and now occurs on June 1st every year. It may only be two years old but WNAAD is a growing global movement and is committed to raising awareness of narcissistic abuse, and provides education, resources for survivors, and wants to take steps towards a change in policy.

Survivor Empowerment Telesummit 2018

An important part of World Narcissist Abuse Awareness Day in order to highlight the problem and raise the profile of narcissistic abuse is the commencement of a two day online summit, The Survivor Empowerment Telesummit 2018 where seventeen speakers – mental health practitioners and leading industry experts – will be giving advice and sharing insights.

What is narcissistic abuse?

Many people are still a little confused as to what exactly narcissistic abuse is. I plan to write a longer, more informative post on the subject but simply put it’s a form of psychological and emotional abuse. Unlike physical abuse which leaves visible cuts, bruises and broken bones, victims of any kind of emotional abuse wear their wounds on the inside – mentally and emotionally, hence why WNAAD came up with the hashtag, #IfMyWoundsWereVisible. That’s not to say that the abuse can’t later become physical but many of the abusers are often too clever, too charming and too subtle for that. Many people suffering from narcissistic abuse don’t even realise that what’s happening to them is a legitimate form of abuse. Somewhere down the line they may realise that something doesn’t feel right but can’t quite explain what and why. Family and friends will notice that something’s wrong but not know what it is or even how to help. For those of us who have endured narcissisitic abuse, we know just how awful, confusing and scary it is.

WNAAD - AWARENESS POSTER

Why is it necessary to raise awareness of narcissistic abuse?

Narcissistic abuse is a problem that goes by undetected until it’s usually too late – but the epidemic of narcissistic abuse is escalating and I’ve seen that just with the people around me. But sadly there isn’t much in the way of education, campaign or funding to tackle this subject. According to the WNAAD website, studies indicate that between 1% and 6% of the population suffer from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and that’s just narcissists alone – this statistic does not include the other cluster B disorders. It is estimated that in a lifetime, each individual suffering from NPD will have relationships with approximately five partners, thus highlighting the enormity and grave impact of this abuse. But although we know the number of people affected by NPD in one way or another is huge, it is difficult to calculate a near enough exact number. One thing that people often forget is that the narcissist isn’t always a partner: it could be a parent, child, or other family member, friend, housemate, or colleague – in short, it could be anyone.

Because the issue of narcissistic abuse is one that’s very close to my heart, I’m delighted that people are now talking about it and awareness is being raised because it gives the narcissist less place to hide and hopefully they’ll never cause pain or mental anguish to another human being again.

For those of you who are interested in the Survivor Empowerment Telesummit and wish to register you can do so at http://www.wnaad.com

 

 

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Mrs D’s Roasted Veggie And Parmesan Pasta

 

Feeling very ravenous one lunchtime, I thought I’d make myself a bowl of pasta in tomato sauce; super easy and super lazy – especially as the sauce was coming out of a jar! But then I realised that I had all the ingredients for a roasted vegetable pasta – a dish I had made a few times before. Sure it would take more time and effort than just opening a jar of pasta sauce but it would be so worth it!

Just to make it clear, this may contain pasta but it is not authentic Italian – it’s just authentic Mrs. D! The chilli that’s included in here contains just the right amount of heat without it being too spicy but you can leave it out if you want to. Whenever I make this recipe, I always throw in whatever veggies and pasta I have to hand so this dish does vary whenever I make it but it is still very yum! The recipe below includes the vegetables and pasta I used on the day, but you can use whatever you like. If I was making this for Mr. D I would add some chicken or bacon as Mr. D simply will not do veggie!

I also decided to top this dish off with a poached egg. I’m no professional chef and I’m sure anyone who’s reading this will beg to differ but I actually feel that for the first time ever, the egg was poached really well – I didn’t even have to make to look presentable like they do in the cooking shows. So yeah, for Mrs. D it was a good effort!

ROASTED VEGETABLE AND PARMESAN PASTA

Serves: 2-4

INGREDIENTS:

250g penne pasta, cooked and drained

2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped

1/2 tbsp of dried mixed herbs

1/2 a large green chilli, finely chopped (optional)

1 medium onion, roughly chopped

1 medium tomato, diced

100g button mushrooms

100g sweetcorn

100g spinach

50g shaved or grated Parmesan

1 tbsp olive oil

1 tbsp butter

Salt and pepper

1 poached egg per serving

METHOD

  1. Preheat oven to 350ºF.

  2. Place chilli, garlic, herbs and vegetables, except spinach, in an ovenproof dish. Drizzle over olive oil, add butter and season well.

  3. Put in oven and roast for 15-20 minutes.

  4. Take vegetables out of oven and add spinach. Once spinach has wilted, add Parmesan and mix well.

  5. Dish out onto plates and top with a poached egg.

  6. Enjoy!

 

All photos taken by Mrs. D – in case you couldn’t tell!

 

52 Weeks Of Gratitude Week 9: How Did You Do and Feel?

 

All the other posts I’ve written so far with regards to this challenge have involved me having to express thanks to a particular person or for a certain thing. So at first, I wasn’t completely sure as to what I was expected to do here for week nine but I figured that I was being asked exactly what it says on the tin, and explain how I’ve done with this challenge so far and how I feel so far – so I will!

When I first heard of this challenge, I thought it was a great idea and I wanted to take part in it. I’ve always been a big believer in the power of gratitude and expressing thanks, and it shocks me just how ungrateful some people can be. It’s a sad fact that we live in a world where there is an ever increasing sense of self-entitlement. There are always feelings of wanting more no matter how much we have. And ‘thanks’ is a word that seems to be missing from a lot of people’s vocabularies these days. Just hold open a door for people or give up your seat on the bus for someone and you’ll see what I mean. So doing this challenge was a way to reinforce my existing sense of gratitude and also to see if I could learn more about myself.

As for how I did, well I think it’s fair to say that so far I haven’t done very well! After all this challenge should have been completed in 2017 but it’s now 2018 and I’m now only on week nine! I could very well have thrown in the towel and put this challenge into the bin consigned for challenges that didn’t work and very conveniently forgotten about it – but I would have hated that. Another thing I firmly believe in other than gratitude, is the philosophy of better late than never, so I’m more determined than ever to keep going and complete this challenge.

And in any case, I’m pretty sure there’s a parallel universe somewhere where it’s still 2017!

Beer-Battered Fish N’ Chips

Now that I’m living in the States, I have had the opportunity to sample dishes that I’d never heard of before, and I have to say it – American cuisine is fab! But that doesn’t stop me from dreaming about my fave fish and chips.I have to listen with envy as my family describe how they still have fish suppers every Friday. Yes, of course we can get fish and chips out here but no disrespect to our American cousins, this is a dish that us Brits definitely do best. I’ve tried fish and chips in many different countries, and even though all of them were very pleasant, no one does our national dish quite like we do.

 

 

Admittedly, fish and chips from a proper British chippie is impossible to beat and always to recreate at home. Almost everyone I know has said that there’s something about fish and chips from your local chip shop, with lashings of onion vinegar and wrapped in paper that is hugely satisfying and hits the spot every time. To me a proper fish and chip shop, is one where the fish is battered (never breaded) and the chips are chunky (never fries!) After my last day at the school where I worked, my colleagues and  I could have gone anywhere for my leaving meal. But what did we choose to do? Grab fish and chips and eat them on the steps of the town hall, which incidentally also gave me flashbacks to grabbing munchies after a hard night’s clubbing! Yep, I clearly knew I was really going to miss good ol’ English fish and chip shops that much!

 

 

But as much as I love chips from the chippie, that doesn’t mean that the home-made version isn’t delicious. Which is a good thing as that’s now how I’m going to be able to get my fish and chip fix regularly! Here’s a recipe below for scrumptious beer-battered fish and chips. For those of you who don’t like the idea of frying everything, the chips can also be roasted in the oven at 200°c/Gas 6 for thirty minutes, turning over occasionally.

 

 

BEER-BATTERED FISH AND CHIPS

Serves 2

Prep time 15 mins

Rest time 30 mins resting

Cooking time 40 mins

Courtesy @pixabay.com

INGREDIENTS:

50g plain flour

50g cornflour

1 tsp baking powder

2 tsp turmeric

75 ml beer

75ml sparkling water

Vegetable or sunflower oil for deep frying

400g cod, hake or haddock, halved

Lemon Pepper

Salt and Pepper

For the chips:

750g potatoes, peeled and sliced into thick chips

2 tbsp plain flour

2 tbsp sunflower oil

Salt and pepper

METHOD:

1. Combine the flour, cornflour, baking powder, salt, pepper and turmeric in a large bowl, reserving about one and a half tbsps of the mixture and set aside.

2. Pour beer and water into the bowl and whisk until you have a smooth, lump-free batter. Leave to rest for 30 mins.

3. Meanwhile prepare the chips. Boil a large pan of water, add the cut potatoes and boil for 2-3 mins until the outsides are tender but not soft.

4. Drain potatoes then tip on to a large baking tray with flour, 2tbsp oil and salt and pepper. Toss until all the potatoes are evenly coated. Set aside.

5.  Pat the fish dry with kitchen paper, then season with salt, pepper and lemon pepper for extra flavour.  Then coat evenly in the remaining turmeric flour mix. Shake off excess then dip into the batter.

6.  Heat 1 ltr oil in a deep saucepan. When hot enough, lower each fillet into the hot oil and fry until golden and crisp. Using a slotted spoon, lift out the fish and drain on kitchen paper. Sprinkle with salt.

7. Fry the potatoes until crisp and lightly golden. Remove from oil and drain on kitchen towel. Sprinkle with salt and vinegar. Serve with fish and enjoy!

 

52 Weeks of Gratitude Challenge Wk8: Express Gratitude To 3 People

As usual I was stuck when it came to deciding which three people I wanted to express gratitude to – as once again there are so many, I really didn’t know who to choose! But I finally decided on three and you’ll notice that there’s a theme with this post – other than gratitude – as all three people who I would like to express gratitude to have all played a major role in my career as a teacher for which I can never thank them enough.

1. MY AUNT

I’m really grateful to my aunt because after spotting an ad in the paper for a teaching position in London that she knew I would love, she informed me immediately. Mr. D and I were living in Devon at the time, working in student accommodation, and we HATED every second of it (not necessarily picturesque Devon but the job and the people we had to deal with.) We wanted to either come back to London or return to Bournemouth where we had previously been living but work was very thin on the ground so for the time being at least, we weren’t going anywhere.

Then I received a call from my aunt who, knowing that I wanted to go into teaching English, said that she’d seen an ad in the paper for teachers at a language school in Central London and that I should apply. So I did – and found out that I had two days to get down to London for an interview to see if I’d be accepted for the training program. Ever the optimist, I didn’t think I would pass the training, so I booked a coach ticket and headed over to London with just a week’s worth of clothes not knowing that I’d never be going back to Devon again…

2. P.B. – THE TRAINER

I had three trainers in total plus a lovely principal and I am grateful to all of them, for the opportunities, support and help that they had given me. But why I feel that I have to thank P.B. first and foremost is because he was the trainer who interviewed me and gave me the chance to train there. He seemed very no-nonsense and the kind of person who wouldn’t put up with any of my shenanigans, and he even warned me that the training program was very tough and intense and that even if I was accepted for the training, there was a chance that I might voluntarily drop out due to the pressure. Filling me with confidence, he wasn’t!

For reasons I’m not sure either of us understand, I was put through to the training program – something I’m sure he’s regretted ever since! Ever the optimist, I was sure I wouldn’t pass training, but not only did I do so but I continued to work there right up until the school very sadly shut down (that’s a whole other story) Had it not been for P.B. I would never have had the chance to do something I loved, and realise for the first time that I’m actually good at something. I met tons of really cool people, both staff and students, who I’m still in touch with to this day – including P.B. of course!

Courtesy of pixabay.com

3. STAFF AND STUDENTS AT SCHOOL NO.2

OK, I’m cheating here a little because instead of expressing gratitude to one other person, I’ve chosen to be thankful to a bunch of people – but it’s impossible to to select just one person. Who should I choose? The receptionist who handed over my CV that had turned to paper maché when I walked in from the rain looking like a drowned rat? The former colleague from my previous school who unbeknownst to me was at that school, and put in a good word for me when he discovered that I had applied? Or the principal who hired me based on the strength of my CV and what my colleague had told her and felt that a formal interview wasn’t necessary? The staff that took care of me when I got sick? The staff that propped me back up when I suffered a devastating blow while at work? And I could never forget the amazing students there who were an absolute joy to teach.

When my visa came through to move to the States, I handed in my notice and did so with a very heavy heart for while I was happy to be reunited with Mr. D. and start the next stage of our lives together, I was also very sad to be leaving a place where I was ecstatic to go to every day – and how many people can claim to be ecstatic about going to work? When my last school shut down, I never thought that I’d ever find another place to work where I could fit in so effortlessly and be so damn happy – but I did. And I have all these fantastic people to thank for that – people who are no longer staff, colleagues or students but friends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ginger and Lemongrass Mojito

 

I love cocktails… I love ginger… I love lemongrass… I love mojitos… what’s not to love about this ginger mojito cocktail?

GINGER AND LEMONGRASS MOJITO

Serves: 1

INGREDIENTS:

1 1″ piece ginger, peeled and sliced

2 stalks lemongrass

8 mint leaves

1 tbsp. Sugar syrup

1 tbsp. lime juice

50ml white rum

Ginger beer or ale

Ice and extra mint leaves

lime slices

METHOD:

  • Muddle together mint leaves, one lemongrass stalk and ginger.
  • Add sugar syrup, lime juice and rum. Shake well.
  • Half fill highball glass with ice and extra mint leaves.
  • Strain mixture into glass.
  • Top with ginger beer or ale.
  • Serve with lime slices and remaining lemongrass.
  • Enjoy!

 

52 Weeks of Gratitude: Week 7 – A Friend (1)

 

 

I’m really embarrassed to still be continuing with the 52 weeks of Gratitude Challenge because this was supposed to have been completed by the end of last year! But last year was a roller-coaster of a year and I didn’t blog as much as I’d hoped to, and as I hate leaving things unfinished, I have decided to pick up where I left off and this time I’m determined to get to the finish line. So week seven it is!

This week’s topic is ‘a’ friend that I am thankful for. Talk about a super hard topic! I am incredibly blessed to have so many amazing people in my life who I am very happy to call friends – some of them are more like family – so naturally I’m finding it hard to talk about just one person. So I’m going to cheat a little bit – or a lot – and talk about a group of people.

courtesy of Mandy11059 @ Pixabay.com

So I would like to give a massive shout-out to the strong, supportive, thoroughly big-hearted people who came to my rescue when I was going through what was definitely one of the worst periods of my life; when I didn’t feel as though I was emotionally or physically strong enough to overcome my problems. These incredible people listened to me, gave me advice and support and were always there for me whatever time of day or night it was. Even though many of these fantastic people were busy with their own lives or had their own problems to deal with, they always made time for me and never got fed up or made me feel as though I was being a nuisance (which I probably was!) They even shared some of their own painful stories with me in order for me to draw strength and inspiration and to see that things always do get better. Some of these people weren’t even especially close friends at the time, and that makes me feel even more incredibly humbled that people who didn’t have to be there for me, chose to do so which speaks volumes about the kind of people they are.

I don’t think I can ever totally put into words how grateful I am to this exceptional bunch of people who got me through a tough time and got me back on my feet again. Everyone says that you never really know who your true friends are until you go through a crisis and they’re not wrong.  We sadly live in a world where its every person for themselves – or at least that’s how it seems most of the time. But now I know that there are some truly amazing people out there and I’m so thankful that I get to be their friend. Everyone should have wonderful people like that in their lives.

 

 

Sparkling Rosé Fruit Bowl

I made this yummy fruit salad for breakfast one Valentine’s Day a few years back, served with a delicious vanilla cream. Anything with booze in it gets my vote – even if it is for brekkie! As predicted, it was a little too delicate for Mr. D. who preferred the more robust eggs Benedict I served up afterwards!

This fruit salad is based on a dessert I used to order whenever I used to visit my favourite restaurant in Baker Street: mixed berries in champagne topped with a lemon sorbet. The fruits I ended up using would not have necessarily been my first choice (all they had that appealed to me when I popped into the supermarket the night before!) it all actually worked rather well: the crispness of the apple against the tart softness of the raspberries, the sweetness of the mango, with the zinginess of the grapefruit. I’m not a breakfast person but if this was breakfast every day, I would happily tuck in.

It’s autumn now, when breakfast is supposed to be comforting and warming, but I remembered this recipe and just had to share it. And of course its not just for breakfast. Despite the sugar and wine, you could almost fool yourself into thinking it was healthy! Who said salads can’t be decadent???

INGREDIENTS:

1 Granny Smith’s apple

200g raspberries

1 mango

1 pink grapefruit

500ml Sparkling rosé wine

2 tbspns Caster sugar

1/4 lemon

METHOD:

1. Make a sugar syrup by heating the sugar with 2 tablespoons of the wine until sugar has completely dissolved and syrup thickened slightly. Leave to cool.

2. Peel and dice the mango.

3. Remove peel and pith from grapefruit and cut into segments.

4. Core and chop apple, leaving peel on if you wish.

5. Squeeze lemon juice over the apple.

6. Combine prepared fruit in a bowl with the raspberries.

7. Add remainder of the rosé wine to the syrup.

8. Pour sweetened wine over the fruits.

9. Serve with cream,yogurt, ice-cream or sorbet.

VARIATIONS

If the recipe above isn’t quite your cup of tea (or glass of rosé!) don’t worry – maybe one of these boozy fruit salads will float your fruit bowl!

TROPICAL

Pineapple, mango, passion fruit, kiwi fruit with rum.

SUMMER BERRIES

Raspberries, strawberries, redcurrants and blueberries in champagne

FAR EASTERN

Lychees, rambutans, melon, papaya and dragon fruit in gin

PEACH MELBA

Peaches, raspberries, nectarines and apricots in Prosecco

ORCHARD FRUIT

Apples, pear, plums, apricots and blackberries in mulled cider

CHRISTMAS MAGIC

Kumquats, Clementine’s, blood orange, quince, figs, in mulled wine

 

 

Appleberry Fizz

 

I love fruity cocktails, and if they’re sparkling, then so much the better! Needless to say this one’s right up my street! I love the taste of sparkling apple juice with this cocktail, but any sparkling juice will do.

Serves: 4

Prep: 5 mins

INGREDIENTS:

75g blackberries

4tbsp. sugar syrup

2tbsp. Lemon juice

Seeds of 2 pomegranates

100ml vodka

Sparkling apple juice

Mint leaves or citrus zest to decorate

METHOD:

  1. Crush blackberries and seeds of one pomegranate.
  2. Strain and pour into cocktail shaker.
  3. Add sugar syrup.
  4. Add lemon juice.
  5. Add vodka
  6. Shake well.
  7. Strain and pour over ice and remaining pomegranate seeds in 4 glasses
  8. Top up with Sparkling juice.
  9. Garnish and serve.
  10. Marvel at how delicious it is!

 

 

52 Weeks Of Gratitude Challenge Week 6: The City You Live In

 A bit of an odd one seeing as I no longer live in the city! But as much as I’m enjoying life in the country, I am grateful for:

A. BEING A CITY GIRL

I love city life. Pretty much any city: Dublin, Vienna, Barcelona, Seattle, Mumbai… I love them all! Country life is pretty good but while Mr. D has rural living in his blood, I am a city girl through and through. I love doing what Mr. D calls ‘city things’: museums, galleries, coffee shoos, bars, taking in a show, riding the night bus…

I know there’ll come a time when I probably won’t want to be anywhere other than the country, but right now I need the energy and vibrance of the city. I loved growing up in a place where everything was on your doorstep and it was very easy to get around, even without a car. I love that there’s always so much to see and do. You can never get bored in a city.

Portland,OR at night
Image courtesy of pixabay.com

True, people may be more abrupt and always in a hurry but contrary to popular belief, I’ve never felt lost or lonely in a big city. I know people who live in rural towns who can’t settle in big cities due to them finding it ‘too busy.’ I can understand why they would find the transition hard which makes me even more thankful to be city born and bred, and having done the reverse has not been too difficult for me.  can never get bored in a big city.  I remember when I used to fly into Portland, Oregon on one of my visits to see Mr. D before we got hitched, looking out of the aeroplane window and seeing the city all lit up like jewelled specks on black cloak, highlighting the beauty and mystery of the night. Yes – bright city lights always make me happy.

B. BEING A LONDONER

As if being a city girl wasn’t enough, I’m so, so grateful that I grew up in the most amazing, exciting, diverse and vibrant cities in the world – London! Even though I know people are always complaining about all the negatives connected with London living – exorbitant costs, crowds, filthy streets, crime etc – I can’t quite put into words why I’m so proud and thankful to come from one of the world’s most famous cities. I love the nightlife, the arts, the mix of cultures; hearing all those different languages and accents, seeing people in traditional dress – something I miss very much now. I love that I’m able to get virtually any kind of cuisine without having to travel too far. You can complain all you want about public transport but at least it exists and there’s pretty much a twenty four hour service. There’s some absolutely stunning architecture and I love that some of the world’s most iconic sights are right there in London. And if you want to get away from the hustle and bustle of London living, there are some districts and neighbourhoods that have a distinctly village feel.

The great city of London
Image courtesy of pixabay.com

London really is the city that has it all, and I’m so thankful and so glad its my city!

C. LIVING NEAR BOSTON

Seeing as the topic of this post is being grateful for the city you live in, I’m going to have to talk about Boston which is the city closest to where I live. I’ve mentioned before that it has always been my dream since I was an eleven year old New Kids On The Block fan to live in – at the very least visit – Boston. Never did I think that my dream would one day come true but it has!

Admittedly, as we live so far out of Boston, I haven’t visited as often as I’d like to but the few times I’ve visited I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it. I’ve seen the Bruins play, seen some of the sights, been to a few gigs, eaten at the world famous Wahlburgers (haha! Although I didn’t see Donnie or Mark but Paul did say hi!) I’ve discovered the awesome Mike’s Pastries, and I know a bar where the fish ‘n chips are pretty decent!

I’m so glad to be living near a city as cool as Boston and look forward to visiting more of the historical sites. But more than that I’m grateful and thrilled to have realised one of my ambitions.

 

 

 

 

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